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Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Sleepy Hollow Episode 2.7: Rosemary's...Er, Katrina's Baby

"Why am I giving birth in skinny jeans?"
If there's anything I've disliked this season more than Katrina going back and forth between the Witnesses and Abraham it's the entire “impregnating Katrina with Moloch” storyline. Thank you so much, Sleepy Writers, for bringing that ludicrous, boring, and tiresome storyline to a close.

[After seeing 2.8: Or so I thought. Damn.]

This episode was packed with emotional tension and triangulation, a lovely moment between Katrina and Abbie, a long-awaited emotional confrontation between Crane and Son, and Tom Mison and Katia Winter in bed together, finally. Sam Chalsen & Nelson Greaves' “Deliverance” delivered on many fronts (pun unintended. Really).

Opening with a surprising and long-awaited scene of marital tenderness between Ichabod and Katrina Crane, we're lulled into a false sense of security, led to believe we're in flashback, our lovers sharing their last precious moments together in bed before Crane departs on a mission for George Washington. As the Cranes' cuddling and dreaming about their future children gives way to Ichabod transforming into Moloch--typically Sleepy-Creepy--we find we're in Mrs. Crane's nightmare, alas one that doesn't end upon waking.

"No, Katrina, for the last time I'm not showing
you my chest hair!" 
In truth, the exposition part of the dialogue in this scene felt quite clunky to me, but the rest was lovely, and the actors, director effects team and lighting/camerapeople did a fine job overall.

The nightmare's metaphor poetically tells Katrina (and the audience) everything we need to know about what exactly is going on inside her body, yet it still takes the Scooby Squad the better part of an hour to figure it out. No matter. We'll come along for the ride because it's fun.

Once we're good and horrified, the scene and tone shift to a humorous—and surprisingly political—bit at a polling place. Sometimes these emotional-whiplash-inducing transitions work, sometimes they don't. This one worked for me, beautifully. Ichabod's wry commentary on Americans' apparent lack of appreciation for our suffrage—preferring instead to wallow in “American idolatry” (gorgeous)--sadly did not go in a direction it could have gone (i.e. questioning why people don't feel inspired to vote). Yet, through Abbie we are movingly reminded that universal suffrage was hard-won and late-coming. The charming scenes—intercut with the terrifying ones back at Camp Moloch--manage to acknowledge race, gender, and even class, concluding with Ichabod absurdly trying to give Abbie advice as to her voting, while helping build the tension steadily.

"And I would care what you think...why?"
It was terrific seeing dissension in Evil's ranks, as Abraham resists both his fellow Horseman and Moloch's orders, in an effort to keep Katrina from their grasp. Then, to make things even better, for the second time in a row, Katrina frees herself from certain death. Unfortunately, while doing so she was required to fall for no particular reason as she runs out to the highway. Sigh. Messieurs Chalsen & Greaves, unless your character is Jennifer-Lawrence-in-formal-wear, this trope is insulting to your audience, insulting to your character, cliched, and senseless. Please abandon it posthaste.

Back at the polling place we learn, adorably, that General Washington was not above bribing the electorate with beer, that Crane's disappointment with the state of American democracy can be (believably) mollified with an “I Voted” sticker, and that Mr. Empathy knows how to foreshadow a plot well, acknowledging that Abbie's “exclusion from Sheriff Reyes inner circle must sting.” Providing a once-again excellent transition, one of Abbie's colleagues informs the Witnesses that a Jane Doe fitting Katrina's description just showed up at the hospital.

“Katrina?” Abbie asks Ichabod?

“Who else could it be?” Ichabod responds, on behalf of the audience.  (Well, Caroline, for starters, if you hadn't killed her off, but, oh, never mind).

The act ends with a typically ho-hum reunion between Crane and the missus, despite Mison, Beharie and Winter acting their hearts out. They are all tonally perfect yet our lovebirds' painful lack of chemistry continues on.

The only one in the room with her head still screwed on right, Abbie brilliantly deduces that Henry will come for Katrina and soon. But do you seriously think Abbie Mills is going to forage a friggin' corset for Katrina? Oh, hell no! Look, I know y'all think corsets are sexy, but if you really believe in liberated female characters, get Katrina the hell out of that painful thing! Or else, spend a week in one yourself. Pulled good and tight, to slim your waist. Remember, Scarlett O'Hara's was only 17 inches!!


Fortunately, the bad guys show up just as our heroes are fleeing the hospital so our brave and formidable Abbie can follow them while Crane and Katrina make their getaway. It's lovely but tragic that Crane's admonition to Abbie upon parting to “be careful” is so much more passionate, take-one's-breath-away intense than pretty much everything that transpires between him and Katrina.

His relationship with his wife still frustratingly but believably stuck in the 18th century, Crane forgets Abbie's teaching that he could never make Katrina do anything she doesn't want to do by arrogantly lamenting, “This is my fault. I should never have left you with the Horseman.” He also treats her like she's weak, asking her if she should refrain from doing what she's doing—performing magic, helpfully, as a good member of the team—given her sickness. This pattern of treating Katrina like hand-blown-glass, and later, incapacitated hand-blown-glass, is so not what this character deserved after an entire season in purgatory.

I found myself disliking Ichabod for his slow burn of jealousy when Katrina refers to Headless as “Abraham,” and defends him as not having been responsible for the sickness. Crane's ridiculous, under the circumstances, response, “and what do you and...Abraham...converse about?” gets soundly beaten back by Katrina's firm but tender “whatever I must.” Kudos to Katia Winter, whose eyes and voice say it all (even in a whisper): Seriously?!?! I'm a spy and a prisoner and you're jealous that I'm talking to my captor? Who, incidentally, is the stalker-ex-boyfriend I dumped for you? Have I mentioned lately the part about how I spent 231 years in purgatory for saving your ass?

Hurt, Katrina nails her husband. “You think I enjoy it.”

“No, that's not it [that's so totally it],” Mison responds perfectly as Ichabod.

Unfortunately, the scene goes downhill from there with breathy, unbelievable protestations from Katrina and our couple again telling, rather than showing, how utterly in love they are.

I so want to give a damn about you two
and I just don't.
Meanwhile, Abbie follows the bad guys and discovers that Henry's buddies are really big on warehouses this season. Also, they now apparently include Scots. We get a lovely creepy moment courtesy of a dead hand, but since Abbie Mills has never needed anyone to bust down a warehouse wall with an ambulance to get her ass safely out of Dodge, she gets photographic evidence and a journal all by herself, thank you, without ever screaming about the dead hand, sprinting on back to the Bat Cave because, recapitulation of the main theme, Abbie Mills is friggin' amazing.

"I've seen worse."

With the Witnesses thankfully reunited back at the archives (because every scene that they're apart feels like an eternity in Sleepy Hollow time), Ben Franklin, MacGuffin-Meister-Par-Excellence, continues his season-long roll, again proving invaluable to our detectives' case-solving.

In Act Three, we get treated to a delectable smorgasbord of emotions from Tom Mison's Crane in response to Katrina's pregnancy--disbelief, fear, jealousy, distrust, outrage, and sheepish guilt--in a matter of moments. Thankfully Nicole Beharie's fabulously clear and grounded Abbie has no trouble believing Katrina's pregnancy was as chaste as that of Our Lady of Everywhere and gets to work immediately detecting what might have happened. Abbie continues her wonderful badassery as Katrina's warning hex goes up in smoke and our brave leftenant must take up the rear to stave off the bad guys while Crane and the missus escape, again. (Yea! For once she's shooting at a killable target!!). Hell, once they get to St. Henry's Parish, Abbie shows she even knows how to work a breaker box! Katrina can't even work a friggin' radio (I don't care if she wasn't born in this century, writers. I just don't care).

The inevitable tension between Abbie and Katrina gets ignited the moment our trio reaches a potential safe-haven. Katrina does an admirable job trying to convince Abbie and Ichabod that Henry is still salvagable, Abbie does an admirable job of keeping her head about her while all others are losing theirs, and poor Ichabod navigates the shark-infested waters flowing between his wife and his partner like a drunk pirate, waffling more than an IHOP, as each demands a commitment of him: “Keep Henry”/“Kill Henry.” The direction and all three actors' performances make this scene electric.

When Crane inevitably sides with his wife and agrees to go ask Henry to undo the terrible thing he himself has literally just done, Abbie's anger is crystal clear but gorgeously restrained as she accepts the fruits of democracy. It's an interesting call-back, actually, less to the earlier scene at the polling place than to the scene in Crane's cabin in “The Kindred,” when Abbie sided with her partner against Jenny's more rational arguments, another acute moment of loyalty asymmetry in Abbie's and Crane's relationship.
"Are you saying they've figured out a way to compress
our boobs without whalebone?"

As we are finally treated to the Father and Child Reunion we've patiently awaited since last season's finale (okay, maybe I haven't exactly been patient), Abbie and Katrina share some nice moments alone as they focus on figuring out who or what this demon baby is. The make-up and effects department did a phenomenal job conveying Katrina's excruciating, ill-fated pregnancy. I particularly loved how, in one cutaway, the Alien creepiness in Katrina's lovely midriff goes from zero to nine months. Hey, Moloch may be the Big Bad, but at least HE got Katrina out of her corset!

I never liked Katrina as much as when she suggests Abbie kill her to keep Moloch from rising. Since there's no way Abbie wants to be saddled with trying to explain that one to Ichabod, she declines, but with a tenderness, empathy and respect for Katrina which is deeply moving. She also shows that at least this Witness gets the sacrifice Katrina made for Ichabod. “...All the voices of Heaven and Hell were shouting in your ear, 'let him die'; you found another way to save him.”

“We will find another way to save you.” Abbie Mills for President, 2016.

Meanwhile, the marvelous Orlando Jones gets relegated to the role of Crane's secretary/butler and, excruciatingly, that's all we see of Irving for the entire episode. I don't need to explain to you guys why that's a problem, do I?

The scene between Henry and Crane most decidedly does not fulfill my dreams and expectations for that confrontation, but it is certainly powerful. John Noble's delicious “demon?!” deserves a frame and a mantle all for itself. As for Crane's faux confidence, it worked magnificently in the interrogation scenes with Headless; Crane making that choice here rang false for me. I don't get why pummeling Henry with the idea that he loves his mother was supposed to work. I suppose there's some primal law of nature that demands father and son try to assert power over the other in a sustained pissing contest even when one of them isn't a horseman of the apocalypse. Still though, for my money, the scene only gets interesting once both men have shot holes in the others' facades and their vulnerabilities surface.

One thing about that scene did strike me as particularly odd. As Crane comes to the horrifying realization that Katrina is pregnant with Moloch, Henry asks him, “would I lie to my own father?” Was that supposed to be funny, along the lines of “you should be proud; your son's a lawyer”? It didn't land as funny. It landed as sincere, which is ridiculous given that, a) Henry lied to Crane for the entirety of their relationship in the previous season, and b) Henry buried his father alive. I mean, really, isn't lying to one's father rather pedestrian by comparison?!?!

For any of us fans losing our hearing, we are thoughtfully told repeatedly that Moloch is the demon in Katrina's belly. But once Moloch's finally in the conversational rear-view mirror, Crane desperately tries to persuade Henry to save Katrina, telling him “your mother's love banished her to purgatory!”

And the filial shit finally hits the paternal fan. “Her love for you,” John Noble's Henry replies transcendentally, “her decision to save you.” Whoo-hoo! Greek tragedy comes to upstate New York!

“Then read my sin!” Crane retorts, determined to regain control of the conversation. “You're afraid to see how I've suffered!” Whoa! Cool! Did not see that one coming. But now, double whoa, you turn that on its head and have Crane see that inside Henry is a terrified, lost child. Gorgeous. Truly gorgeous. Though, when Crane says, “that was you,” I get the feeling he's referencing a scene that was left on the editing room floor. If so, that's a damned shame. But the climax of that scene was masterfully done by all.

When Abbie starts to tell Crane, freshly returned from his failed meeting with Henry, that the demon inside Katrina is Moloch--“you'd better sit down for this,”--Mison underplays his devastation beautifully. “Oh, I know.” The look on Mison's face communicates magnificently Crane's sense of having failed his wife and son as he sits down at (incapacitated, naturally) Katrina's side.

In the marvelously tender scene between Crane and Katrina, she finally nails him with the ole “two hundred thirty-one years I spent in purgatory every day believing without proof I could save you.” Unfortunately, it's just to save Henry, not to stand up to Crane for his idiotic jealousy, and when she coughs pathetically the whole thing devolves into melodrama.  Still, though, she had a moment.

I am shocked but not surprised to learn that Ben Franklin will again prove our savior in the moment, although why on earth he would put the prism to stop Moloch inside the very tablet he knows the bad guys may use to raise Moloch is beyond me. Doesn't that seem like a rather unsafe place to keep such an important weapon? More to the point, if Franklin had the tablet in his hands, wouldn't it have been worth exposing his infiltration to destroy the bloody thing?

Oh, who cares. This episode is all about the feels, which are fabulous.

I could kiss all of you for “I must internet immediately.” (And that would be the moment, ladies and gentlemen, when “internet” became a verb in the English language). Yet, although I adore the simile--“it sounds like a swine being strangled”--I don't buy Ichabod's frustration with dial-up any more than I did his frustration last season with flip phones. Okay, granted, his wife is dying and time is rather of the essence. But, to me it was a cheap laugh to presume that someone who still thinks “internet” is a verb is going to fail to be anything but mesmerized even by dial-up.

While I'm throwing kisses around, Crane deserves one for the profound tenderness, without condescension, with which he explains to Katrina how a radio functions. (Not that he ever had to explain that to Abbie, but whatever).

Since Abbie's the one in this century with an army they can draw upon, Leena Reyes is given the chance to show the fandom that she's not a Horsewoman (at least not yet). The act break of Abbie saying she's going to tell Reyes “the truth about what's going on in Sleepy Hollow” was fantastic because of course we have no idea what version of "the truth" she's going to share. The assault on the warehouse allows our heroes both to get the tablet and the prism, and to finally upgrade Crane in the Sheriff's eyes from Abbie's-Weird-Renaissance-Faire-Boyfriend to Valuable-Operative/Potential-Paid-Employee.  
"Crane, we really need to discuss
division of labor!"

Let's not even get into the absurdity of the sheriff executing a search warrant and move straight on to Crane and Abbie's hilarious deciphering of the passcode to the box holding the tablet. Crane, ever-impressed with his own brilliance, initially deduces the passcode may be the address of the Hellfire's London Clubhouse (I ask you, WTF kind of a secret evil club publicizes their address? And hasn't changed it in 230 years?) While Crane resurrects every piece of arcane knowledge he has in his noggin' about the Hellfire Club, Ms. BAMF not only holds off the bad guys single-handedly but solves the riddle: “They're a freaking evil club! Try 666!” Pure genius, that.  I would have loved some kind of warm-up to Crane's new cover springing forth from his head fully-formed--“I'm a criminal profiler specializing in historical hoo-haa”-- but the sound of both Reyes' and the audience's jaws hitting the floor was sweet music.

To absolutely no one's surprise, Crane successfully uses the embedded prism to free his wife of Baby Moloch. Katrina stops breathing in an unsuccessful attempt at holding the audience in suspense. Abbie decides, wisely, that she's going to pass on saving Mrs. Crane this time, but because She's His Wife, Crane obligatorily fights for her with appropriate desperation. His wildly incorrect CPR works, and lovely Katrina regains consciousness with a happily surprised, “you're here!” a line which exists solely for the purpose of setting up Crane's and Abbie's telling lines to follow.

“Where I belong, ” Crane responds tenderly, Mison trying so hard to gaze into Winter's eyes adoringly.

“Whereas I belong somewhere else,” Abbie says out loud to no one in particular (and the entire Ichabbie-Shipping-Fandom collectively said “OOOOOUUUUCCCHHHH!”).

When Crane eventually remembers he has a partner outside, Abbie's hoping his wife's near-death experience has succeeded in removing his head from his rectum. “At least now we're clear where Henry stands.” We are clear, right Crane? Crane?

No such luck. It seems poor Abbie not only has to share Crane's attention with Katrina, but also his loyalty. “You gotta be kidding me? You still think you can reach [Henry]?”

Unfortunately he does, and because we have no idea how else to end this scene, we get the most unfulfilling fist bump ever between Abbie and Crane as the Witnesses try to stitch together a silk win out of a sow's ear.

The highlights of this episode for me were the confrontations and triangles, with things that have needed to finally coming to the fore. I also really appreciated that, given a chance to demonstrate that she can hold her own in this company of fine actors, Winter did a very good job, even without much of a discernible character beyond breathy romance heroine/devoted mom. As usual, Mison matched her, moment for intense, believable moment, and Beharie—still the most consistent of the Witnesses from an acting department—remains the show's divine light. Oh, and seeing Neil Jackson's Headless kill someone with his broadaxe was pretty awesome too.

The biggest sticking point I have with the series so far this season was unfortunately only underscored by this episode: we need to care about Ichabod and Katrina as a couple so that we give a damn about their trials and tribulations. I didn't want Katrina to die, even though it may have been best for the show, because I still hold out hope her character can become strong and interesting. But we need to believe these two are in love, and I, for one, still don't. I can't lay this at the feet of Chalsen and Greaves. They inherited this problem and, I think, did their best to try to rectify it while staying true to the characters. Alas, while you've done a LOT of telling us they're in love, Sleepy Writers, you haven't shown us yet, and that sadly renders all these good efforts really rather moot.

Let us love the Cranes, or leave them. Please.      

Friday, December 19, 2014

Sleepy Hollow Episode 2.2: My Faith in You is My Greatest Weakness

Don't hate me  'cause Neil Jackson's beautiful.
Oh, Sleepy Writers, truer words were never written! But enough about you and me; let's move on to Episode 2.2., “The Kindred,” written by Mark Goffman and Albert Kim. As long as you are still on their side, Team Stop-the-Apocalypse is going to be just fine, and I will know my faith is not misplaced; this week, you demonstrated without a doubt that you are. The pace and tone of this episode worked beautifully, the relationship beats were interesting and well-handled, the humor was on point, creative, and very, very funny, the action and horror bits were tense and scary, and you began to pay off some of the emotional tensions initially addressed in the premiere. But best of all, the band is back together, with lots of drama being set up for the rest of the season.

Episode 2.2 opens not long after our heroes return from purgatory, with the goal of freeing Katrina from the Headless Horseman's nasty grasp next on their agenda. Ichabod's terrifying vision that Katrina will be beheaded and “married” to Headless in a gruesome ritual visually sets the stakes for her rescue very high, effectively coercing us, the audience, into going along on yet another (ultimately doomed) expedition to liberate our perpetually imprisoned redhead.

Act I includes plenty of recap exposition, but most of it is handled deftly. The only bit that really didn't work for me was Abbie absurdly telling Ichabod who the Horseman of Death is. Ichabod's meta-sarcastic response, on behalf of the audience, “thank you for reminding me” didn't improve the situation. Attempts to make it seem necessary--“the point is, you know him”--couldn't salvage the awkwardness. But the banter which follows--“he once called the palace at Versailles 'quaint'”--gives us some lovely insight into both Abraham's character and Ichabod's.

Sheriff Reyes' exposition of Abbie's backstory For Those of You Just Tuning In--“You were a rising star in the department, accepted to Quantico...”--works a great deal better in context. More importantly, it's a good introduction to Sakina Jaffrey's wonderful Leena Reyes, who so far has managed to be tough and all-business without necessarily being a villain, thus making her both believable and interesting. The drops of reality Reyes bring to Sleepy Hollow, both by imprisoning Jenny and asking, “um, why do we need a history professor on staff?” are both essential for grounding, and most-welcome, as earthly foils for our heroes are often lacking.

In Episode 2.2, we also begin to see more of Abbie's core, her character's astounding focus and bravery, which keeps her on point no matter what. Nicole Beharie is a delight to behold, and an absolute marvel as she balances Abbie's heroic strength and intelligence with a touching and believable vulnerability, particularly where Crane is concerned.

We begin broaching the fierce heart of this episode as soon as Abbie and Crane climb into the BatSUV to hunt for Katrina. Although Abbie initially seems a little too healed and balanced from her time in purgatory, we do get to see more of her angst later. Meanwhile, her direct questioning of Ichabod's motives, focus, and loyalties, and his sincere but seemingly ineffectual attempts to reassure her, provide the delicious nougatty center of this episode.

(BTW, just out of curiosity, how does Ichabod know Katrina is a witch of tremendous power? The only time he's witnessed her using her power she wasn't exactly at her best, and she has yet to figure out how to adequately elder her son, War-the-Warlock. For all he knows it was the late Reverend Warlock's talents that kept Ichabod alive lo those many years).

Recon at the Horseman's carriage house provides more magical Witness electricity, as both Ichabod's passionate recklessness and Abbie's calm reason prove valuable. We learn that both the Horseman and Katrina are present, and that Ichabod's vision appears to have been accurate: a creepy altar has been built just like the one Ichabod saw in one of those thousands of Conveniently Informative and Relevant Books back at the archives. While we're on the subject of how our Amazing Witnesses Just Know Things, how is it that Abbie can tell Abraham's wacko altar isn't finished? Did she really study the drawing that carefully back at the Bat Cave (I thought Ichabod had the eidetic memory), or did she take some weird Learning Annex class she never told Ichabod about?

Speaking of the wacko altar and even wackier ritual scheduled to be held there, why weren't Ichabod and Headless married by their blood tie? Too groovy for prime-time Middle America? It seems like Katrina's bloodtie is going to make her immortal. As a witch, wasn't she already? Finally, in the nether-realms, wouldn't Katrina be considered a bigamist until Ichabod's definitely dead, and wouldn't honorable Abe take issue with that?

Inquiring minds want to know, writers.

And the Emmy for Most Telling Side-Eye
goes to Nicole Beharie
Act I ends with a hilarious, tense, and emotionally satisfying scene involving the original trio at Crane's cabin. The reinforcement of both Jenny and Abbie as extremely smart cookies through Jenny's marvelous “I know what the Codex Tchacos is [thank you very much],” combined with Abbie's giving Crane The Side-Eye-That- Speaks-a-Thousand-Words as he explains the Kindred, was awesome. But, really, guys: was both a flashback showing us Abraham's head and Abbie saying “his head” really necessary? One or the other, not both. Nevertheless, when Abbie tells us “we're talking about raising a monster,” we have a terrific act break.

Once we're past Henry's boring scene with Moloch (why does he keep sorta kinda covering his eyes like he's saying the sh'ma, but then look at Moloch directly?), and back in Crane's cabin, we get treated to the delicious sanity of Abbie's “this is insane! You are talking about making a carbon copy of the Headless Horseman!” followed perfectly by Jenny's matter-of-fact, “except with a head.” Gorgeous writing, and Exhibit A of why we need way more of Jenny Mills, and way more of this trio in general!

Jenny and Abbie are both VERY CLEAR that this is a really, really bad idea, but Ichabod will not be deterred. As HeadOverFeels so perfectly observes, “this is Sleepy Hollow, and we’re never not going to sew the head of a devil’s minion onto the reconstructed parts of revolutionary soldiers who were just going about their own business, fighting against taxation without representation, if given the chance.”

How clearly, how painfully you make Abbie choose between sane, rational Jenny and passionate, flying-by-the-seat-of-his-pants Crane when deciding whether they will raise the Kindred or not. Despite Jenny and Abbie making exceptionally well-reasoned arguments for why raising this monster is a terrible idea, Crane won't budge, and much to Jenny's dismay—she speaks for all of us when she understates, “the last time we went on a mission to save Katrina it didn't end well”--Abbie ultimately sides with Crane, a little too quickly for my taste, given the sensible counter-arguments against raising the Kindred. How beautifully Lyndie Greenwood communicates Jenny's disapproval and disappointment without a word.

Back at Team Moloch HQ, Abraham and Katrina have another exes' quarrel which makes my hair stand on end. When Abraham tells Katrina, “the man you love never existed; the Ichabod you know is a deception,” this feels like a VERY IMPORTANT CLUE. Maybe we're just meant to see more of Abraham's brokenness, the profound betrayal he felt by Ichabod, but it seems frighteningly like something we should into which we should stick a pin. Pin stuck.

When Abbie visits Irving in prison, he says “tell me what's going on out there.” Tragically, Abbie demurs, and that decision to protect Irving from last season's mind-blowing finale will prove a huge mistake by the end of the episode. But Irving does manage to give Abbie the intel she needs, that Headless' head is well-protected in the Sleepy Hollow Savings & Loan. You have to love Irving; his practicality grounds all this nuttiness so well sometimes.

Thus we are set up for the most delightful scene of the episode, and one that is destined to be a classic of the Sleepy Hollow archives: Ichabod is introduced to credit cards.

Request for the DVD:  Mison, in character,
let loose in the props room. 
As you've been told a thousand times, and rightly so, the bank scene was brilliant, as was the callback to the wedding industry. Much has been written elsewhere about this scene, so I shan't go on, except to say that Mison's performance is absolutely perfect—he has the seasoned chops of a comedy pro--and this was gorgeously written and marvelously directed. The straight “men,” Abbie and the bank officer, are fantastic—the scene could not have worked were they not played by such generous, skilled actors, yielding the floor and the drama, of necessity, to Mison.

Alas, all the air is let out of the fun balloon when Leena Reyes insists on acting like a sheriff and arrests our beloved Jenny for arms possession (just doing her part for the struggle, as per usual) in violation of her probation. Imagine that? A sheriff acting like a sheriff. In Sleepy Hollow.

In Act III, happily, the plot slows down just long enough for us to dig into the emotional meat of this episode, naturally while Abbie and Crane search makeshift catacombs for a corpse assembled out of spare Revolutionary soldier parts. But not before Ichabod gets really worked up about Jenny's incarceration and executes the astonishing feat—for Captain Charming--of introducing himself to a woman with not-particularly-veiled anger and contempt. For her part, Reyes justifies her actions by tossing off that she has two decapitated bodies in the morgue. Really? Who are they exactly? When did Headless leave Katrina for a new killing rampage, and um, why? Are we ever going to find out?

Cut to Orlando Jones hilariously passing a lie detector test by telling the truth about how the reverend and Devon Jones were actually murdered last season, effectively convincing his jailers he's nuts, much to Reyes' chagrin. Did anyone else want to kiss Irving when he corrected his interrogator on the name of the demon who possessed Macey? “Ancitif. C comes before T.”

Back under Sleepy Hollow, Abbie and Crane search for “Franklinstein's monster.” As Abbie realizes she has failed to introduce Crane to Mary Shelley, Crane impresses Abbie with the fact that refusing to ask for directions is apparently hard-wired onto the Y-chromosome. (For “Nice to know even a man from the 18th century can't ask for directions,” Mark Goffman and Albert Kim, I dub you honorary women this week).

The bats from the premiere—which apparently serve no other purpose than tying together these two episodes--reappear, and Abbie quietly freaks out, cluing Crane in to her PTSD from her time in Molochville. Abbie tenderly confesses just how vulnerable she became in purgatory, how she had never been so happy to see anyone in her life as she was Crane's evil twin (believing him Crane), and how easily she could have been lost forever as a result. In response, Crane--Mr. Sensitive-Georgian-Age-Guy so long as the matter does not concern him—blows it completely, telling Abbie she wasn't “to blame” for nearly falling victim to this deception.

Well, obviously she wasn't to blame, you insensitive oaf! Wonderfully annoyed, Abbie spells things out unambiguously for her suddenly clueless companion (and the audience). “Faith in you is my greatest weakness,” she confesses to Ichabod, in one of those moments that should have just dropped his emotional jaw. But Ichabod, King of Da Nile, stays professional. “That's what they want you to believe.” Then things really get interesting when Crane deduces that Abbie believes Katrina and Henry are his biggest weaknesses, and...we'll leave you hanging there, now, audience, because we have a plot to advance. Nevertheless, all of this was so much more emotionally fulfilling than any of the heavy-handed protestations of promise-keeping and eye-bulging emoting of the previous episode.

The lack of symmetry between the two Witnesses, their weaknesses, is heartbreaking, made all the more so by Ichabod's Absolute Refusal to Acknowledge The Depth Of Feeling Abbie Has Just Shared Which He May Or May Not Reciprocate Because He So Can't Go There Right Now. Nevertheless, he heard her, it's out there now, and I really, really look forward to this coming back to bite him in the ass.

(Irritating Question 104: How did Katrina spend 200+ years in purgatory neither eating nor drinking, yet Abbie was thirsty after a few hours?)

Katrina's and Henry's reunion is pregnant with wonderful unsaid emotions, beautifully played with welcome restraint by both John Noble and Katia Winter.

(Irritating Question 412: why is it that Henry can see Headless with a head?)

Huh?
Speaking of Headless, Katrina's last minute “Hail Mary” to convince Abraham to let her choose to be with him was both smart and very well-acted by both Katia Winter and Neil Jackson. In general, these two have a rather magical heat and chemistry between them. While I'm sick out of my mind of Katrina being anyone's captive, I am curious to see where this relationship goes. You, writers, and the fabulous Neil Jackson, tell us so much about Abraham that he would buy her story for a second. Ah, the blindness of wuv, twoo wuv.

Our heroes manage to successfully raise the Kindred, just in time to interrupt their own beheading, in a scene which is such an idyllic combination of scary and hilarious this could only be Sleepy Hollow. Ichabod's “Romani Greek” incantation concluded, Abbie begins to nag him when the Kindred remains dormant. “Is that it? Did you do it right?” To which the male half of this old married couple naturally replies irritably (adorably), “I'm not the witch in the family!”

Ralph and Alice Kramden have nothing on
these two.  
The scene in which Crane is again reunited with his wife is marvelous—tender, romantic, and we finally get a bit of passion between our lovers. (Could you PLEASE stop putting candles between the camera and our couples embracing?!?! We get the metaphor; it's damned annoying). But, seriously Katrina—again with the refusing to be rescued??? Abbie's WTF Face speaks for all of us. I don't know if Abbie's getting tired of trying to rescue Katrina, but I'm getting tired of Abbie trying to rescue Katrina.

Nevertheless, thank you, writers, for giving Constantly-Captured-Katrina a somewhat empowering storyline. The concluding scene between Abraham and Katrina was beautifully played. But does anyone remember that Katrina used to be a Quaker? There are still lots of Quakers in the present day, and they could be a source of much humor. (Speaking of her being a Quaker, a) Quakers aren't supposed to use violence, and b) Quakers aren't supposed to lie. Those aren't minor failings in our tradition; they're pretty huge. Of course, we still do fail in that regard, but somehow the seriousness of that choice on Katrina's part should be acknowledged at some point).

While we're on the subject of Katrina, I really appreciate you showing us a bit of Abbie's PTSD from purgatory and allowing their characters to reflect Abraham and Henry's PTSD from their miserable “lives.” I'm really looking forward to seeing some serious PTSD evidence itself from Katrina once she's (kinda/sorta) out of danger. It would be great to see that combine with jealousy of Abbie and her love for Jeremy to create a potent cocktail which knocks her off her goody-goody ass, but I suppose we need a bit more time to like her first.

The final scene with Irving signing away his soul, or so one suspects, was horrifyingly brilliant. John Noble and Orlando Jones were exquisite, and it was deliciously awful learning that Henry has become a lawyer.

(Irritating Question #722: Did Henry really go to college without SATs or a transcript from the class of 1799, then onto law school without LSATs, and pass the bar, in between eating all those sins? Or is his lawyer-ness going to be explained some other way?)

I have to say you guys got a LOT done in 45 minutes. Between War's transparent attempts at sowing division between the Mills sisters in 2.1, and Abbie's very real need to sacrifice Jenny's freedom (temporarily we hope) to the struggle in “The Kindred,” we end with Jenny's fierce loyalty to her sister and thus the team under assault. Katrina has chosen to resume her role as spy, staying with Headless to gain intel on Team Moloch's Grand Plan; she may yet end up a beheaded Bride of Headless for her efforts. Abbie is entirely clear that her biggest weakness is her faith in Crane, and his biggest weaknesses are Katrina and Jeremy. Crane is entirely clear that he has no intention of admitting to, or accepting, either of these facts, so at the moment his biggest weakness is denial. And Irving—poor Irving—just signed God-knows-what in blood because Abbie couldn't be bothered to give him the lowlights of the Season 1 finale during her visit to him in prison. That can't be good.

The balance between the Ichabbie and Ichatrina feels was handled so deftly I am in awe. In this corner we have Ichabod advocating to raise a monster and risk losing the Horseman's head to rescue his wife, as well as the first (somewhat) passionate kiss between our hero and his lady. And in this corner we have mega-Ichabbie feels being confessed as a result of Abbie's purgatory PTSD, combined with Crane's cabin becoming the intimate new hangout for him and his Work-Wife Abbie (and Second Work-Wife Jenny). Hot tea and a roaring fire anyone?

I'm getting the delicious feeling that you are sowing seeds. As a farmer I recognize and respect this. As a writer I adore it. Because I know some of these seeds will bear foreseeable fruit, and some will bear strange, unforeseeable fruit, and some won't make it out of the earth, and like spring on a farm, at the moment, I have no idea which is which.

Well-played, Sleepy Writers. Well-played. Nice to have you back.













Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Sleepy Hollow Season 2 Half-Time: Great Game! Why Do I Want To Change the Channel?

Remember these two?
"The world moves for love. It kneels before it in awe.”
--Edward Walker, The Village

“Didn't you guys ever watch the show?”
--Guy Fleegman, Galaxy Quest

Despite a disappointing beginning, Season 2 of Sleepy Hollow has proven a tremendous amount of fun, and as I have raved (and will continue to rave, once I get caught up) here, the writing for many of these individual episodes has just been an absolute delight. The acting has been first-rate, the effects, wardrobe, make-up, lighting and sound teams all working a lot of overtime—it shows on screen—such that I continue to be awed and humbled by the quality of production you've maintained, creating what is essentially the equivalent of 9 full-length movies in less than one year.

That said, as you well know, from the decrease in ratings and the complaints of many other fans and writers before me, there have been some fundamental problems with the season thus far. It has taken me a long time to figure out exactly what's not working for me, why—despite my coming away each week feeling entertained—I also feel so empty. I struggle to understand why my husband, who used to be a Sleepy Hollow fan, now only watches it out of solidarity with me, why a good friend who used to love the show has largely checked out this season. This morning it finally began to coalesce in my brain. What's not working for me is the only thing that has to work in this show: Ichabod and Abbie, individually, and, sadly, as a team.

Ichabod and Abbie
If you watch some of the fan videos about Ichabod and Abbie (I recommend a few at the bottom of this entry), something quickly becomes abundantly clear: to the fans, perhaps even those who ship Ichatrina, Ichabod and Abbie spent the whole of Season 1 very sweetly, very gently, rather hilariously, and completely believably, falling in love.

I don't care if you say they're not meant to be a couple. Anyone with two brain cells to rub together can see that, rightly or wrongly, these two characters fell in love with each other in Season 1. Back when Crane's wife was confined to purgatory-and-plot-device, Abbie was Crane's only partner, and their partnership glowed—with charm, equality, tenderness and humor. Katrina served her purpose in keeping the two characters out of bed, but otherwise never really came between them. We watched a professional partnership, a friendship, and ultimately a very sexy sexless love affair develop between two very different people we grew to admire and love. It was awesome.

Alas, this season Mrs Crane has made it back to earth, and—little by painstakingly little—Fleshed-Out-Character Land.

Oh, sure, you had everyone from the credit card pusher at the bank to Headless Abraham shipping them, and you gave us some nice Ichabbie feels, and a LOT more overt (but ultimately meaningless) flirtation on Ichabod's part. You showed us very well and believably Abbie's jealousy of Katrina getting involved in hers and Ichabod's working partnership. But what you did not show us was the very real conflict and tension that Ichabod would absolutely feel in light of the fact that he is a) a married man and b) he is in love/denial-about-being-in-love with Abbie Mills.

Similarly, while as a feminist I very much appreciate that Abbie has been so focused on her work, and not on The Boy, that her identity as a powerful woman exists independent of The Boy, and that she will (largely) refuse to allow The Boy to come between her and another strong woman, the complicated and conflict-drenched reality that Abbie is in love with Ichabod despite his being married is an absolutely fabulous well of emotional depth and story-driving that has just about been abandoned this season in exchange for Everybody Being Noble and Mature and Doing Right by the Sanctity of Marriage and the Severity of the Struggle.

If you're going to have Ichabod doing such ignoble things as checking out women in bars (in front of Jenny, a lady, no less!), why not do something really interesting (and fan-tastic) by having him begin to own and recognize that his conflict with Katrina perhaps has less to do with her lying than with him needing to justify his own conflicted feelings about Katrina in light of his unexpressed, unacknowledged, but (at least last season) seriously complicated feelings for Abbie?

None of this has to be explicit—in fact, the more surreptitiously it's delivered, the sexier--and I completely understand why (and agree that) Ichabod and Abbie can't become a couple until you're ready to kiss the show good-bye. But that doesn't mean that awkward truths and awarenesses can't occasionally slip out, or at the very least fuel the Witnesses' interactions a great deal more than they currently do.

Also...would it really be asking so much for some kind of accidental, overt acknowledgment of these feelings? Obviously, our noble, sensible witnesses aren't going to be silly enough to get fully romantically involved when there's an apocalypse to stop and a witch of a wife in the 'hood, but that doesn't mean we can't have more pregnant moments, stares that last a few beats too long, Ichabod appreciating Abbie being dressed up with his eyes (and feeling terribly conflicted about that), perhaps a dance between the two here or there, or, God-forbid, an evening of vulnerable admissions and boozy pass-making?

At first I was really impressed that you did such a good job making Abbie and Ichabod still really believable as friends, despite the fact that Katrina's suddenly Very Real Existence seemed to cool off everything else between them. But the more time goes on, the more I realize that cooling things off between Ichabod and Abbie works against the show. The heat between them, whether conflict-driven, desperate, or tender, is the beating, pulsing, exciting heart of the show.

You can have them say flirtatious things to each other all you want. You can have Abbie smile and laugh at Ichabod's anachronisms. But the heat ain't there. Get it back. Stat.

Abbie
It's one thing to have Abbie feel like a third wheel around Ichabod and Katrina. That makes sense, and was perfectly played by Beharie. But it's quite another to make her a third wheel in the show. That is totally unacceptable. This show is fully half Abbie's, and despite some of the great scenes and moments Abbie has had this season, she is at times being made into a third wheel by the Ichatrina story line.

Nevertheless, everything Nicole Beharie has given us this season as Abbie is gold. Her character's strength, vulnerability, groundedness and struggles have been gorgeously developed and perfectly played. Beharie's consistency and range as an actress have been an absolute joy to behold.

Can this woman get any more awesome? 
No more relegating Abbie to the relationship sidelines. No more “whereas, I belong somewhere else.” No. You belong right here, front and center, woman. There's a reason the camera left the Cranes and followed Abbie. Nobody puts Abbie in a corner.

Ichabod
Tom Mison has been equally consistent and entrancing with his portrayal of Ichabod this season, despite his occasional unfortunate visits to the Land of the Flouncing Tart. The thing about Mison is, he is so goddamned talented that when he shines, he radiates like a blue star. When he's good, he's so very, very, very good, that when he's bad, or even not-so-good, it's painfully noticeable, a cold-water-on-a-cat shock.

Mison's huge talent and enchanting performance aside, I take real issue with some of Ichabod's character development this season.

As someone in American history, said, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Ichabod Crane was perfect just the way he was in Season 1. He did not need more deeply cut shirts (but, you know, thanks Wardrobe). He did not need his hair in perpetual Harlequin Romance cover mode (not that I'm really complaining about that one either, Hair and Makeup).  Nor did he need his beautiful muscles defined in yoga clothes (though, seriously, Wardrobe, the fandom owes you).

What he absolutely did not need more of is the Tao of Steve.


More of this.
You guys seem to have completely lost track of what makes Ichabod fascinating as a character and attractive as a man in the first place, namely that he is not now, nor will he ever be, a 21st century American man. He is an 18th century Englishman trying to find his way in a completely alien world. He is a nobleman's son. He is a soldier. He is ridiculously well-educated, and that does more than give him whatever obscure talent or piece of knowledge got hit with a dart in the writer's room this week. It shapes his entire outlook on the world. The man has buried the majority of his friends and comrades in actual face-to-bloody-face war, he's been disowned by his family, he saw his best friend killed in front of his eyes, and all that trauma and maturing life experience took place before we even met him.

He's not a Guy. He's not a Dude. He's not a Boy, and he is definitely, absolutely, positively Not A Bro. He's a Man. And we like him that way.
Less--make that none--of this.

Obviously, he's going to adapt. He's human. But he doesn't have to adapt so quickly, and he doesn't have to adapt in such god-awful ways as playing video games and ogling women in bars just to make him seem relatable to the 25-39 year-old-male demographic that you think buys all the stuff advertised on the show. If we want to see a 21st century dude on TV, we can watch literally almost anything else. Or we'll lobby for Hawley to get more air time. (You may have noticed the latter has not been happening. There's a reason for that, and there's a reason women to this day worship Fitzwilliam Darcy. He may be an asshole, to quote the charming Mr. Mison, but he's a very romantic, chivalrous, well-educated, well-mannered, proper, interesting, and exotic asshole).

All this work to make Ichabod so confident, so competent, so manly (“guy”-ly) in the present has robbed him of his most unique charm: he's a Man Out of Time. Whatever else he is, he must always, first and foremost, be that. That is one of the coolest aspects of the Sleepy Hollow premise, and much of it is getting lost in The Dudification of Ichabod.

While some of the humor along these lines worked really well this year, and some of it was too schticky, humorous asides regarding his challenges with the present are not enough. Ichabod's time-based insecurity is bone-deep; we need to see more of it across the board. That insecurity, that loneliness, that uncertainty and feeling like one doesn't belong makes him truly, deeply relatable, as those experiences are universal to the human condition.

You might be surprised by how much of your audience also feels out of place in the present day, regardless of our chronological age. Ichabod's wry observations about the idiocy of much of what transpires in the present, combined with a wisdom which informs his sense of honor, propriety, and chivalry, are very attractive, very comforting qualities in an era of speed-of-light change.

In terms of other characters and relationships, the season has been pretty bumpy, and I'm really hoping things will improve on the back-end.

Make You Feel My Love...or Not
Why is Tom Mison suddenly so shy about his chest hair?
I have to give the producers, directors and/or actors credit: the chemistry between Tom Mison and Katia Winter is much better this season. It's still not good, nor palpable, and I still do not believe for one second, despite all Ichabod's protestations to the contrary, that he is actually in love with Katrina in the present day (in the 18th century flashbacks, when she is still more idea than wife, his infatuation with her is more believable), but I really feel like the actors are trying. Katia Winter has been more believable as a woman in love with Ichabod Crane, but there still seems to be so much more heat between her and Neil Jackson. But then, maybe that's just our Katrina being a good double agent.

The decision in the last episode to have Katrina and Ichabod become comrades-in-arms rather than lovers until they can a) stop the apocalypse and b) find a decent marriage counselor is quite possibly the best thing that ever happened to their marriage, and is definitely the best thing that ever happened to Katrina as a character. It may also be the best thing that could happen for the show at this point.

So many possibilities open up here now. The Cranes' marriage has always been an albatross for this show, serving more cock-blocking than story-telling purpose. There's a reason fairy-tales always end with “and they lived happily ever after.” Because a) that never happens, and b) if it did happen, it would make for a deadly dull story. Having the Cranes begin their relationship in front of us already married, and perfectly, ecstatically, chimerically in love, regardless of the material obstacles between them, made it impossible for us to root for them.

Giving them real, human relationship challenges in the real world makes them a couple possibly a little bit worth rooting for.

There's also the very real fact that a woman who isn't constantly mooning over her husband is more likely to point out when he's wrong, demonstrate independence from him, and in general, be an interesting female heroine. We've been waiting for Katrina to become that woman for a long, long time.

I'm Not Bad, I'm Just Written That Way – Some Thoughts on Our Villains
Moloch.
He's gone. Thank God. Thank Henry. Nuff said.

Henry/Jeremy/War
John Noble is far too good of an actor to be wasted on a character so capable of multi-dimensionality reduced of late to bratty three-year old. Please give that man something useful to do in the acting department besides chewing up every piece of scenery at Screen Gems or let him go.

Headless/Abraham
I may be in the minority here, but I actually like the direction you've gone with Abraham. I'm big on complicated villains, as you've doubtless surmised by now. But I can see how it is a problem that the most badass villain of last season has spent most of this season moping around about his would-be-girlfriend. I have no idea how to fix that problem; sorry. Wish I did.

Weekly Villains
In light of the fact that all three of our Big Regular Bads, Moloch, Headless, and War, are men, it seems very gender-balancing on Sleepy Hollow's part to give us so many female villains of the week, and to give most of them really excellent motivation. Personally, I have to say, I'm getting tired of evil women, but this probably would not have surfaced had it not been for the succubus. 

All our bads, including our villains-of-the-week, have to have motivation. Everyone did this season except our (literal) Man-Eater. She had no motivation whatsoever. Leaving aside the squirming her “talents” engendered in me (like women need that metaphor replayed anymore in fiction, ever?), she was just boring.

I'm Not Bad, I'm Just Written That Way 2, (or Why Do You Guys Hate Katrina?)
Yay! It took until Episode 5 of Season 2, but finally, Katrina Crane is DOING THINGS!

Boo! Most of what she does falls into one or more of the following categories:
  • Needing to be rescued. Again.
  • Fucking up her few assignments as part of the Scooby Gang
  • Endangering her own life or the lives of others with her soft spot for Henry
  • Being disrespectful to Abbie

    and, perhaps worst of all, showing shit taste in television.
There were huge improvements in Katrina's character this season, which sadly isn't saying much because after Season 1 she was pretty much starting from zero. So far this year we've twice seen Katrina kick some ass to rescue herself, volunteer for a very risky assignment out of hope she could save her son, stand up to both her previous lover/jealous stalker and her present lover/jealous husband, use magic helpfully, Know Obscure Things, and continue to exhibit absolutely no jealousy whatsoever of her husband's relationship with Abbie, nor indeed, any disloyalty to or distrust of Ichabod whatsoever despite his occasionally treating her like shit.

She also—granted, in only one scene so far--showed a sense of humor!! And she got out of her dress, but alas, not yet out of her corset, which makes less than no sense, really (Seriously, the first thing Abbie would have done for that woman after saving her from birthing Moloch would have been to take her brassiere shopping, screw Ichabod's fondness for watching crap TV in his socks). And in the climactic battle between the A-Team and the Walking Dead, Katrina went all Katniss Everdeen on us, complete with braid and Groovy-Light-Weapon Thingie, bravely leading the Scooby Gang to Irving's doom.

Long live Katniss Crane!
As Ani Di Franco sings, “I am not a pretty girl. That is not what I do.”

Katrina is a VERY pretty girl, but thank God someone finally figured out that in 2014 that isn't a profession.

Ole What's-His Face
I'm not unique in being frustrated with Hawley's character development this season, but I may be unique in not hating him for his mere existence. I can't help but wonder, writers, why did you bring Nick Hawley to Sleepy Hollow if you hate him so? Did we really need another Katrina this season, someone who is more plot device than character? Of course, in Hawley's case he got an indefensibly larger amount of air time than Katrina did in Season 1, but never mind.

You know, because everyone has commented on it, that Hawley's not working. Maybe I have too much Katrina in me, but I don't think the solution is to kill him off. Like Henry and Abraham, I really hope Hawley—as a character—can be redeemed. When he started out, he showed real promise. He could have gone the Han Solo route, but that's tough because he can't have equal air time or Romantic Lead Space with Ichabod. Still, each episode, each script, has got to be developing our guest characters if the air space they take up is to be justified (and keep your audience from throwing rotten fruit at their TVs), and whatever direction you could have gone with Hawley, you didn't. With the exception of his growing, albeit fan-crossed, infatuation with Abbie, his character has been treading water for at least five or six episodes now.

And speaking of Hawley having equal air time with Ichabod, if you're going to put him in a scene, have a reason for him to be there. There was no reason on God's green earth to replace Crane with Hawley in “Mama,” just because Crane was sick. The sisters could have done everything for themselves.

Literally reducing Hawley's character to Headless' babysitter (Abbie enforcing the point with, “this isn't a party,” “you can't have friends over” making it even worse) was just cruel and unusual punishment to a character, and should be actionable under the Geneva Conventions. There wasn't a damned thing he could have done had demons arrived to free Headless, or if Headless had managed to break his chains due to another power outage (likely in an electrical storm). Again, what was his point in being there?

The Biggest, Baddest Crime Committed in Sleepy Hollow This Season
Where the fuck were Jenny and Irving for most of the season? They are awesome characters, and Lyndie Greenwood and Orlando Jones are absolutely two of the very best things about the show. You marginalized both of them. That is criminal, writers.
Mr. BAMF and Ms. BAMF The Younger: You Deserve Better




NEVER AGAIN!

We need a LOT more of Jenny and Irving (dead, alive, or other) in the back-end of Season 2. It's that simple.

Reyes
Does she have a point? Could you please give her one, or release her to go film a pilot with John Noble and Matt Barr? Thanks.


A few fan vids: 
1.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85sIEF1hOTs

2.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXHnJQNmR70

Monday, December 8, 2014

Shit and Domestic Violence: The Divinity of A Farmer's Life

A dear friend recently wrote me about how “divine” my life sounded. I burst out laughing.

My life on most days consists in the main of dealing with shit: stepping in it, observing it fall, trying to get out of the way of it falling, cleaning it out of nesting boxes with my bare hands, sweeping it up from goat barns and yards with my bare hands, raking it up around the land, soaking it in water buckets, carrying it to a compost pile, dumping it in, spreading it around, covering it well with lots of straw to insulate it while it breaks down, and then cleaning said buckets. Three to six months later I will return to that compost pile and dig up the real black gold: perfect, natural nourishment for my soil.

On any given day I will deal with/clean up/process at least two if not three kinds of animal shit. Goat and chicken is daily; human, at the moment, is weekly; mouse, rat and rabbit is far too often for my preference.

The down side of this is not actually the shit, per se. Shit is just fertilizer that hasn't fulfilled its potential yet. As a farmer, concerned both with the cleanliness of our animals' homes and with nourishing our soil, I know that regularly dealing with shit is not only part of the package but is actually a diamond in the rough. That doesn't make it smell any better. But the truth is, the olfactory downside of shit is not shit, but urine. Urine is the stuff that really stinks, far, far, far worse than poop, and the two unfortunately tend to go together. Things you never knew you needed to know.

The upside of my life spent dealing with shit is that the literal has, to some extent, replaced the metaphoric. Literal shit might actually produce new life one day, even food. The metaphoric kind...I've yet to figure out the purpose of the metaphoric kind. If only my literal adventures in shit had completely replaced my metaphoric adventures, my life might indeed approach a kind of divinity.

Certainly there is divinity in taking what is considered detritus, something hated, even feared, something to be avoided at all costs, and caring for it just enough that it can soon, in turn, produce new life. At the end of my work day, when my clothes and pores and hair reek of goat poop, and for all our hard work, the land still appears covered in little black marbles, it can be challenging to see that divinity. “I'm a writer, damnit!” I shout at no one in particular. “Not a farmer!”

The truth is I'm both, and some days, I wish that weren't that case.

If I didn't live in a rural area, any physician examining me would immediately refer me to the police as a victim of domestic violence. The blue and purple bruises, the bloodied scrapes, inexplicable scratches, the holes in my skin, the swelling, the stings, the aches I wake with and can no longer identify. It is accurate to call the cause domestic violence, though it's hardly the kind usually associated with that phrase. The members of my family beating up on me are caprine and avian and sometimes insectoid. My husband is a sweetheart and a pacifist who would sooner cut off his own arm than raise it against another person.

Most of the injuries come from Buffy-the-Farmer-Slayer, our oldest rooster, and Red Wing, our alpha dairy goat. Buffy follows in the tradition of Rocky, our first rooster, who would challenge me about once a month, and then after I caught him and held him for a while, either soothingly stroking him or menacingly whispering “coq au vin” in what I think were his ears, would leave me alone for a month. No such luck with Buffy. Buffy and I go through the same ridiculous ritual almost every day. I don't ever like to hurt our animals, but I will firmly—albeit gently—kick Buffy away from me as we battle. I've also taken to shouting at him in a deep voice, “NO! I'm ALPHA! Coq au vin!”

Unlike Rocky, Buffy doesn't speak French, so he is consistently unimpressed with my attempts to convince him his bad behavior will have adverse consequences to his quality of life, not to mention shorten its duration. In addition to Buffy, we have two other, younger roosters, who have not yet begun attacking me. I suspect soon we will be offering a dear friend of ours some winter dinners.

Red Wing's attacks are more difficult to explain. Unlike her mother and aunt, Red was our first goat to grow up with horns. Many dairy goat keepers will tell you this is a mistake, that the short-term pain the baby goat endures through the disbudding process is far preferable to the injuries horned goats can inflict on one another and their human companions. But our goats live in a very wild place, one wherein their horns may one day prove their last line of defense against a predator. It's not much of a defense, as we recently learned the hard way, but it is in our opinion better than nothing.

Red's attacks can be explained a number of ways: as the new Alpha female she may be trying to prove dominance over me, the only other female member of “the herd” yet to submit to her authority. It could be that she just wants attention—the affectionate back rubs and shoulder massages I usually reserve for her mother and aunt. Or it could be that she wants to play in the manner common to goats, and many animals, which is to say, through mock-combat designed to strengthen both parties. I have no idea what her intentions are, despite more than two years spent studying her. What I do know is that she can and does cause me a lot of injury and pain with her horns when I'm able to stop her or catch her; I do not want to think about the damage she would do to me if I failed to stop her.

My husband is never attacked by Red Wing or Buffy. To say that this is irritating is putting it mildly, but there are a lot of reasons for this—not all of them sexist—so I've learned to just roll with it. But there are days, or evenings, like the other night, when I find myself shouting aloud, “why does everything on this farm HATE ME?!?!?” It doesn't, they don't, of course, and I know that. I just felt sorry for myself, and wanted the universe to pat me on the shoulder and say, “I know, honey. Sucks, doesn't it?”

I suspect a philosopher, or a romantic—one who has never farmed—could easily and quite poetically find the divinity in all of this.  I have tendencies towards all three, but honestly, I'm struggling.





Thursday, November 27, 2014

Sleepy Hollow Episode 2.5: Never Fall in Love With a Handsome Englishman When Death is on the Line!!!


Nevermind all his women!  I'm shipping Ichabod and Shaft-the-Crow.
Dear M. Raven Metzner and All Sleepy Hollow Writers,

Thank you for your recent love letter to Sleepy Hollow fans, aka Episode 2.5, “The Weeping Lady.” Missive received, and on behalf of fangirls everywhere, back-at-cha, in triplicate.

Which is not, of course, to say that I'm not going to complain here and there. Hey, it's me; of course I'm going to find something to criticize. But mostly I just need to wax as-poetic-as-I-can about how marvelous, what a treat this episode was.

Since he first wandered onto that bit of 21st century pavement in his tall, black boots, wide sapphire eyes bewildered, long hair flowing, Ichabod Crane has been a sex-symbol/dashingly romantic figure to many of us. With rare exception, though, you writers have bought into this only very cautiously, a bow to Abbie here, a bit of naked-time-traveler-in-the-shower comedy there. And good on you for it, as that restraint has paid off handsomely in character development and a large, dedicated, breathless fan base.

Gently, tenderly, you have begun to literally let Crane's hair down this season, and as long as you don't overplay it, it will remain a welcome indulgence. In “The Weeping Lady,” bless you, the man finally gets to play Dashing Romantic Figure par excellence across the board, an inadvertent ladykiller in every sense of the word, mostly without ever straying from the proper, chivalrous, cantakerous and hilarious Ichabod we know and love. (And when he does stray, it has nothing to do with him playing Dashing Romantic Figure, but more on that below).

The first of Crane's victims of love to be introduced and, unfortunately, promptly dispatched is none other than the lovely Miss Caroline, aka, Ichabod's Outlet Mall, his one non-apocalypse-fighting friend in Sleepy Hollow. We met Caroline in last season's finale at a revolutionary war reenactment when, ironically, Crane mistook her for Katrina. The entire Ichabod and Caroline opening scene is brilliantly hilarious, although I do think my best friend was right: it strained credulity that so handsome a man has had so little experience with female infatuation he couldn't recognize it smacking him in the breeches.

Alas, sweet Caroline, we hardly knew ye.
Meanwhile, Crane's ever-present worry for Katrina takes us to the lovely witch finally doing something!And using magic to do it! Even if Shaft-the-Crow did bite her three times, by God, she sneaked a letter out to her husband. Of course, as many have already complained, while Katrina may be a thoughtful and brave wife, she's not proving herself much of a spy—her supposed job these days--as the letter provides no intel whatsoever as to Team Moloch's plans for the apocalypse. But then who cares, really, because—this bears repeating—Katrina finally did something! And to our shock, delight, and ultimately, horror, she keeps doing things throughout the episode!

Thank you, so much, costume designers, for finally putting Katia Winter in a dress that doesn't force her boobs up into her nose. Talk about overkill; Katia Winter is so unbelievably gorgeous she could wear sackcloth and ashes and still be sexy as hell. Mind you, it's not a particularly plain, Quakerly new dress you gave her, but then if Abraham's shopping for her, what can we expect?

Speaking of Abraham, the best description of the scene which follows between him and Katrina also came from my best friend who described Abraham as “creepy as fuck,” and felt she needed to “boil her eyeballs after watching that.” Poor Abraham...he was starting to seem almost human, and then he had to go and confess himself a patient would-be rapist/murderer. Nice.

I'm kind of loving Henry's and Abraham's phone system through mirrors. It's such a gloriously campy, Disney mode of communication, but then, so is Katrina and Crane's Hogwarts derivative. More important, it's kind of hilarious and totally works. One thing pestered me, though. In one of the earlier episodes the season, the director used a mirror to show us that, while Katrina-with-the-enchanted-necklace can see Abraham as human, Henry still sees him as the Headless Horseman. But in their bewitched Skype call, Henry see Abraham exactly as Katrina does. Wonder how that is....

The second scene between Crane and Caroline, and the scene in Abbie's SUV which preceded it, are absolute perfection. Caroline was utterly charming and totally believable, and Crane--as written, acted, and directed--proved himself in every way the chivalrous, honorable English gentleman entirely deserving of Caroline's (and our) swoons. The bow was executed far more stiffly and clumsily than Ichabod's charming bow to Abbie in Season 1, but I suppose that's appropriate as Abbie is far more dear to Crane than Caroline.

But, naturally you guys—being YOU GUYS—follow this heartfelt, adorable scene by promptly murdering the unsuspecting Caroline with an unknown spectre. Honestly, how could you make us like Caroline so much and then immediately kill her off? Who do you think you are, Tim Minear? George R.R. Martin? I'm officially starting the Bring Caroline Back petition here and now. As we all know, death of one's character is no barrier to an acting job on Sleepy Hollow. It shouldn't be only the evil spirits who can wander around the Hudson Valley Undead; why not the benevolent ones too? Plus, Caroline's hilarious, and at some point, Ichabod will need some more new clothes.

Thank you for making space for Ichabod to grieve his new, lost friend a little before rushing headlong into the next set of catastrophes. Tom Mison makes Ichabod's grief and shock palpable, but not overplayed—perfect for a man who has buried too many friends and comrades, but wasn't really expecting to bury this one this morning. Likewise the tender professionalism of Beharie's Abbie keeps the scene grounded.

As our detectives begin their search for Caroline's killer at a spot under a bridge where high school kids go to make out, we are treated to an absolutely adorable Man Out of Time moment. Crane informs Abbie he knows perfectly well what a “lovers' lane” is, and whilst remaining true to his grief, he still manages to make us laugh describing a betrothed couple holding hands, followed by their parents to stave off any impropriety. Because of the potential for tonal whiplash, the scene couldn't have worked had Mison and Beharie not nailed it.

They nailed it.

The trip to the high school for intel kept blessedly brief (what the hell was Crane's comment re: half-dressed teen girls, “I'm duly impressed with their...spirit,” supposed to mean?), we move on to the Sleepy Hollow library, which proves one of the more exciting places in this little burg. Flirting, gunshots, near drownings, CPR, enchanted avian mail deliveries, and the best collection of historical fiction in the area—all in one building!

Everything that happens in the library is awesome, even the bits that makes no sense or ring wildly untrue. As our heroes “divide and conquer” to research the ghost story told them by the teen lovers (I do not think that phrase means what you think it means), Abbie runs into Hawley, and Crane runs into a crow. The crow delivers to Crane Katrina's pointless letter, in a scene worth everything Mison and the crow-wrangler went through to get it. I may the only person shipping Crane and Shaft, but I am most sincere.

Meanwhile, Abbie's so over yellow-bellied Hawley, she moves on to shooting at ghosts, specifically one very weepy lady who—HELLO?!?!--perfectly fits the description of the spirit they're trying to find.

Not to be outdone, the Weeping Lady promptly creates a very wet hole in the floor and pulls Abbie down into it. Turns out that through some kind of groovy magic, the hole goes straight to the river, and Abbie sees this when she briefly surfaces during her resistance to Weepy's determination to drown her. Crane frets uselessly for a while, while patrons seemingly flee what has quite suddenly become a very bizarre crime scene, before FINALLY reaching his arm just-a-little-ways-under-the water to grab Abbie.

By the time he finally succeeds in grabbing her, Weepy is happy to surrender Abbie because the latter is no longer breathing. Crane's terror and anguish as he concludes Abbie is dead are magnificent, as is Hawley's pushing him out of the way to do CPR (Yea! Hawley did something useful! Boy, everybody's just starting to represent here in Sleepy Hollow, aren't they?). In a season notable for its effort to ground the crazy in the sane reactions of ordinary people, you can't help wondering how the hell Abbie explained nearly drowning in a library to the paramedics.

Hawley departs without fanfare. His “gotta go see a guy about a thing,” works completely because a) that's pretty much what Hawley's always doing, and b) unless it involves Henry, nobody cares. Crane, meanwhile informs the speedily recovered Abbie that, while the “mobile doctors” tended to her, he did some more research on their perp. Sure he did. Yeah. That happened. Like Ichabod would leave her side for a nano-second after something like that? Uh-uh. Nope.

Once we're back in the Bat Cave, I have to twiddle my thumbs for a very long time waiting for Abbie and Crane to figure out that the Weeping Lady is, in fact, Crane's jilted ex-fiancee, Mary Wells. So, this is why you showed us Crane all flustered and taken aback by Caroline's advances; so that when all the signs were spelled out for him in plain English, and the Smartest Man In The Room still couldn't read them, we'd find that believable?

Sorry, guys. Good idea, didn't work. I just found myself gnashing my teeth in frustration at how long it took Abbie to figure it out, let alone Ichabod This-Couldn't-Possibly-Be-About-Me Crane (just because most of the villains and all currently known Horsemen of the Apocalypse became Horsemen of the Apocalypse because they were heart-broken by you, Handsome)!

For the Smartest Man In The Room to suddenly stop being the smartest man in the room because a woman is involved can make perfect sense, provided you set it up a hell of a lot more explicitly. We all know Crane makes some pretty piss-poor decisions where Katrina's involved, but in those instances he's blinded by passion and pride, not ignorance of his own capacity to captivate. For now, it felt quite off. And it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever that Abbie would be that slow.

The flashback scene was absolutely gorgeous, although trying to convince us that the guy who thinks Versailles is quaint is going to live with his new bride in that small house and become a farmer is pushing your demands for willful suspension of our disbelief a bit far. Enter Mary Wells, the ex-fiancee Crane thought he had left behind in England for good. Even though she's a little bit totally crazy, to paraphrase Abbie, you got to admit Mary kinda nails what's happening between flowing-haired, romantically-open-shirted-Ichabod and gorgeous, equally-flowing-locked Katrina.

I honestly don't know if I feel more sorry for Mary because Ichabod seems not to have told her he only cared for her as a brother does a sister when they ended the engagement, when it would have been most appropriate and helpful, or because wardrobe put her in that hideous dress.

Nicole Beharie and Tom Mison are perfect throughout these scenes, with one exception I can't even believe I'm going to make. As someone who has complained mightily of Stage Crane, about the last thing you'd expect to hear from me is frustration with Mison underplaying his character. Yet, I really wanted to see the fear and horror dawning on Crane as he realizes that a) Caroline died, and b) Abbie nearly died, at the hands of a spectre whose heart he broke, and that c) Katrina is next.

Upon this realization our heroes race to save Katrina (something the Scooby Gang spends far too much time doing) only to find that, naturally, she's already been taken, and Headless is searching for her too. It probably didn't help that first they had to stop off to see Hawley for no reason whatsoever. The weapon they “acquire” from Hawley proves useless; the only valuable thing in this scene is Beharie's Abbie finally asking the men to stop their pissing contest.

Once they realize Katrina's been taken and head for the river, the story takes a turn for the epically interesting.

Katrina, the witch—finally freed of the wards Henry's placed around Abraham's lair to weaken her powers--manages to save herself from The Weeping Lady. Can I get an “amen” on that, my sisters? (Mega-props to actress Katia Winter for doing her stunts on that one, too). Not only that, but once Abbie and Crane arrive, Katrina (not Crane nor Abbie) deduces that Henry has made this previously benevolent spirit corporeal and deadly, a deduction which in turn gives her the knowledge needed to send Mary's spirit on “to a better place” (presumably one that isn't managed by a guy with rams horns sticking out of his head). Of course, she can't tell us this without intoning that her very soul may not survive the use of such dark magic, at which point Abbie, who simply doesn't do drama where stopping the Apocalypse is concerned, immediately volunteers to help keep Katrina's spirit safely on this side of the grave.

Katrina and Abbie say the necessary incantations as Crane tries to ward off the enraged Mary, but it turns out that while the “sending-you-on-to-a-better-place” incantations can immediately rob a murderous spirit of her murderous thoughts, you have to wait a little while for them to take full effect, sort of like a Miracle Max pill. Mary, therefore, gets a brief respite of life again, this time dying in her beloved Ichabod's arms, but not before pointing to Katrina as the cause of her suffering.

Crane asks Katrina why Mary pointed at her. Katrina gives him a plausible answer, but not the real one: big mistake. Huge. Because Crane FINALLY figures out that Mary, a woman of incredible tenacity, would never have given up on him that easily. So Crane, who has had it up to here with Katrina keeping secrets from him, demands an explanation—now, in the middle of the night, in the middle of the woods, with a dead body on his lap and the Horseman on the hunt. Katrina eventually spills all, or at least most, of the beans.

In flashback we come to learn that Mary demanded a meeting with Katrina after Ichabod had rejected the former's suit. In that meeting she accuses Katrina of all sorts of not very nice things that make one's hair stand on end the same way Abraham's description of Ichabod in Episode 2.02 did. Are these hints? Will we look back on this scene after the finale and realize Mary was right? We don't yet know.

What we do know is that Mary comes at Katrina, as though to attack her, and goes over a cliff. You Sleepy Peeps were very clever and very coy about how you showed us that. We see Mary running towards Katrina, and then, from the bottom of the cliff, we see Mary fall. But we have no idea what happened in the interim. Did Mary trip on a branch as Katrina told Ichabod? Did Mary attack Katrina, and in fear and self-defense, Katrina pushed back hard enough to send the unfortunately-clad woman over the cliff.

Or, as has been wildly speculated on the net, did Katrina commit cold-blooded murder to keep Mary from taking Ichabod from her?

We don't know. And I love that we don't know. What I don't love and don't buy is Ichabod going all ape-shit on Katrina about all the things she's kept from him. Okay, sure, some of them are huge. The fact that his childhood friend and former fiancee died in front of Katrina--whatever her involvement in said death--and that Katrina not only got rid of the body but mimicked Mary's handwriting in order to convince Ichabod she had returned to England is maybe the kind of thing she shouldn't have kept from her husband. I get him being angry about that. It's kind of a biggie.

But he's angry at and suspicious of Katrina before that. Before he has any idea what happened to Mary, he's already more willing to trust the corpse who five minutes ago was trying to kill every woman close to him than his wife who spent 231 years in purgatory and lost her only son in order to save him?!?!?

Let's look at Katrina's supposed list of crimes against Ichabod. Her keeping from him that she's a witch, in colonial New England? How exactly does one bring that up in conversation? Her keeping from him the fact that she was a spy for Washington? Isn't keeping what you do from your loved ones part of the job description? And as for her keeping from him her pregnancy, if we could all just step back to Season 1 for a moment we'll remember both that Katrina claimed she didn't know she was pregnant until after Ichabod “died,” and they hadn't exactly had much time for catching up on the others' news in the present before Ichabod learned it himself.

As for her not telling him he's a Witness, actually she tells him he's Neo, aka The Chosen One, almost as soon as she meets him. If he didn't bother to ask her what that meant, well...okay, maybe that's kind of a biggie.

But here's what I think is unfair. Crane rips Katrina a new one about all her “deceptions,” yet his BFF Gdubs also kept from Crane that he was a witness, that Katrina was a spy, and I suspect, that Katrina was a witch (after all, Franklin knew). Yet in our very next episode there's lovely Ichabod, toasting George Washington and comparing him to the Biblical Joshua. No censure, no anger, no resentment for his old pal.

Either this is showing us a side of Crane that I like not at all—in which case, cool, interesting, looking forward to seeing where it goes—or I am a complete nutjob for thinking that a woman who alienated her coven and the masons, was forced to give up her son to protect him (whoops), and spent more than 200 years alone in purgatory in service both to the cause and the love of her husband, the woman who now remains a voluntary prisoner of the Horseman of Death, liable to be raped and beheaded, not necessarily in that order, by him at any time, all to serve the cause and protect her husband, deserves to be cut the tiniest little bit of slack.

Man, no wonder Moloch wants Katrina on his side! Talk about a warrior with a serious commitment to the cause, and an extraordinary willingness to sacrifice for what she believes in. Katrina would be an incredible ally for Team Apocalypse; I just hope Team Stop the Apocalypse gets their shit sufficiently together that they don't lose her to Abraham's, ahem, sincere, ahem, concern, ahem, and charm, cough, cough, cough.

If there was anything I found more disturbing than the noble, self-sacrificing, secretive, Constantly-Captured-Katrina turning into Possibly-Murderous, and Certainly-Confoundingly-Complicated-Quaker Katrina, it was Ichabod's Borderline Personality Disorder rearing its ugly head in Act 6.

One of the defining character traits of a person with BPD is the tendency to put someone on a pedestal and then kick the damned thing out from under them the first time they fail to live up to your idealized expectations. One minute he's telling us that Katrina walks on water and the next he's bemoaning to Abbie that marriage is difficult on its best days.

Whoa! Who are you and what have you done with the Ichabod who made Yolanda cry with tales of a perfect fairytale love? Thank you, writers, for finally bringing Ichabod out of the clouds and letting us see him as a real married man who apparently just discovered that he's married to a real flesh-and-blood woman. But to switch so quickly from Mr. Utterly Besotted to “well, I can't trust her, so I guess, Abbie, I'd better stay loyal to you” gave me total, absolute emotional whiplash.
And Abbie. God I just love Abbie, how she's so over it--“This is another Katrina thing, isn't it?”--how she's way too smart to get drawn into this soap opera. She's figured out she can't trust which Ichabod's going to show up on This Week at the Apocalypse: devoted fellow-witness? Distracted, desperate, overwrought husband? Devastated and heart-broken father? Furious warrior? God bless our tough-as-nails Abbie, she just rolls with it, week after wacky week.
I'm not a ladykiller.  I just play one on TV. 

At this point, I'm really not convinced that Our Dashing, Romantic Leading Man deserves Katrina or Abbie. I'm even thinking of bringing my personal S.S. Ichabbie into port and torpedoing that baby, because if The Weeping Lady has taught me nothing else, it's given me the second most important lesson in international relations. The first, of course, is never get involved in a land war in Asia. But the second has got to be never fall in love with a handsome Englishman when Death is on the line!