Post-Election Poem by E.A. Nelson

By the way, did I shout at you on the phone last night?

A Poem for November 9, 2016

by E.A.Nelson

When the telephone rang, midway through

that held-breath, teeth-grinding evening,

I jumped up, stiff, to answer, said hello,

and heard a pause, my name?,

a pause, my name? again,

another pause, my name?,

and into each pause, with mounting vehement despair,

I hurled assurance that yes, that was my name,

demands to know who might this be, calling so late

to ask if I was I, and say no more. Only after the last pause

when I swallowed a last demand and held my breath

for a beat and let the receiver drop,

only after I was hunched again in front of images

of flickering numbers, stunned and flickering faces,

only then did I remember the frailty of the webs

that bind us, began to realize that the caller I had heard repeating

my name? so clearly might have heard no word of mine,

began to hope that this was so – that my shouts had battered not

some soul too stunned to speak more than that single word,

but only deaf, impervious ether. All next day,

in gatherings with friends here, family there, in the midst

of all there was to say, I kept repeating

the story of that phone call, waiting for someone

to say, That was me, I called you,

what happened? No one did.

Unknown caller, if someday

you read this, let these lines be my apology.

I grieve the conversation that we could not have

that night, grieve more that fear and frustration raised

my voice to a pitch I hope you never heard. There had been,

God knows, enough shouting on the way

to that night; no more was needed then,

nor needed now. If you should call

my number again, and hear, again,

once you have spoken my name?, only a silence,

know that this time I am not shouting.

I am welcoming you, thanking you for your call,

inviting you to say all that you have to say.

Yes, that is my name. Tell me who are. Tell me

what you want me to know, talk as long

as you like, and even if you never hear

me answer, I will be there. I will listen.

Copyright 2016 by the author, who may be reached at EANelson415@gmail.com. Reprinted by permission.

Farewell, Sleepy Hollow

"...my soul is not content to have lost her. 

Though this is the last pain she will make me suffer, 
and these are the last lines I will write for her."

Pablo Neruda, "Poem XX," Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair, 

Dearest Sleepy Hollow,

I loved you with all my heart. You know I did. You inspired me to an entirely new expression of my craft. You made me laugh, and think, and dream. In a way, you saved my life, and you'll never even know why. I made wonderful new friends because of you. I became acquainted with, then fell in love with, some marvelous actors and writers because of you. You changed my life irrevocably for the better. Even when you disappointed me, behaved erratically, abused me with promises you had no intention of fulfilling, still I loved you. 

But it's over between us. This is good-bye. I love the show I fell in love with and always will.  But you are no longer that show, and I need to move on.

Sleepy Hollow is a show set in Sleepy Hollow, New York. It's a show about the two Witnesses foretold in the Book of the Revelation tasked with stopping the apocalypse. The Witnesses are named Grace Abigail Mills and Ichabod Crane. Through them, Sleepy Hollow is, on a deeper level, a show about two very different people who become best friends, soul-mates really, and who appear to those around them (and many viewers) to be deeply, heroically, in love. It's cast includes people of color in starring roles (at one time 3/5^ths of them). At its best it's been great; at its worst, it always shown such great potential.

Abbie Mills is dead, and Nicole Beharie has moved on to other acting projects. She's not coming back. The show has moved its setting to Washington D.C., which means at the very least they should change the name to Mr. Crane Goes to Washington. He's going to have a new partner, a new Witness, whom I think has just been blessed with Abbie Mills' immortal soul, which I still don't understand. What she or he is a Witness to, I don't know, since the apocalypse from the Book of the Revelation hasn't been seen since the middle of the second season. Jenny Mills, Abbie's sister, will be around. Ichabod Crane, a revolutionary who hates the idea of a Federal police force, is going to work for the government.

Whatever you are now, Sleepy Hollow, and whatever you will be, with the exception of wonderful Jenny, you are not this. And even if you prove yourself something wonderful in this new incarnation, pardon the irony, you betrayed my trust in becoming something I don't even recognize anymore. I can't invest in a story that I can't trust, no matter how good you are.

I have nothing against the new cast members of Sleepy Hollow. More than 90% of all actors are unemployed at any given moment; it's hard for me to judge anyone for wanting a job. I expect the new cast members will acquit themselves admirably with whatever they're given.

I have nothing against Tom Mison. I adore him as an actor and I admire him as a person. I will very much miss his portrayal of Ichabod Crane and very much look forward to watching him in anything else he does. I think Lyndie Greenwood is awesome, and wish her the very best.

But I have to accept that Sleepy Hollow will never fulfill its potential. It's time to let go and move on.

I would love be able to say, as Neruda does in “Letter From the Road” that this letter ends with no sadness. But it does. A profound sadness--ridiculous, really--for the death of a relationship between a woman and a TV show. But this is not just any show. It's the show that made me want to write for television. And despite my terrible sorrow at what it has become, that is still my calling and will soon be my job.

So for that, I must thank you, Sleepy Hollow, not only for inspiring me, but for teaching me what never, ever, ever to do to a faithful audience. I will do my best, once working in the industry, to use any and all power I have to keep such a travesty from happening again.

Peace out.

After Trump's Election: What Now?

The election is over and people are hurting, scared, and wanting to do something.   This is a just a quick piece offering my suggestions, for what they're worth.  I hope they're helpful.  If not, try someone else, but don't give up.  Never, ever, ever give up.

If you want to make real social change, make a difference in your society, what's needed, and what ultimately works, is the easiest thing to say, and the most difficult thing to do: build a strong community.

Building community with people with whom you have affinity but who are different from you is difficult, but incredibly rewarding. Bear in mind that every person on the planet is different from you.

Step One: Give a shit about someone other than yourself. Not in a vague, “I'm worried about Muslims, I'm worried about immigrants, I'm worried about queer folk, I'm worried about black folk” sort of way, but in an “I'm worried about Samer" kind of way. If you don't know a specific person about whom you are concerned, find one.

Step Two: Ask that person how you can help. How can you be supportive? What can you do, physically, emotionally, spiritually, to make a positive difference in that person's life? Listen to them. Ask questions. Keep doing that till you die.

Step Three: Start with one person, build your circle of concern to include their family, their friends, their community. Get to know them. Really. Show up at their events. Not just political ones. Social ones. Family ones. Spiritual ones. Be present. Truly care. Don't fake it. I can't even begin to tell you how much repeatedly showing up counts for in building trust and affection. Trust and affection are the bedrock of strong, healthy community. Not commonality, as you might assume.

Community is the bedrock of healthy, strong social movements. It will also dramatically improve the quality of your own life. Yes, it's an investment of your time and energy, and, no, it can't be done online. Yes, it's effective. Yes, it will change you.

What are some specific things you can do?

1. Feed people. Make a big pot of pasta and invite over your neighbors (thanks to Corina and Ben for this suggestion). Pasta's cheap, but everyone loves it unless they're gluten-free, so make a big pot of GF pasta as well. Ask folks how they're doing. Listen and care. Let them know you are listening and care. Once you find people with whom you want to build community, repeat as often as humanly possible. You want people to show up? Feed them. That said,
2. Keep drinking/drugs to a minimum. The goal here is to get to know people for who they really are, not who they are intoxicated.
3. Make music with people, organize a concert—in your living room, a park, a concert hall. Check out David Rovics.  Read his blog.  Listen to his stuff.  He's kind of awesome. 
4. Create a safe space for people to have fun together, not just talk politics (but make it clear this is a political space). The Centro Sociale movement in Italy is a great example of this.
5. Keep the lines of communication open. By this, I do not mean keep emailing, texting, and Facebooking people. Use those tools if they work for you, but ultimately you have to
6. Get off your devices. The kind of community-building that is strong enough to change the world is not done online. I know you think I'm a dinosaur for saying this, that I just don't understand, but I do. Community requires physical human presence and contact. This requires you to (and this is the hardest part for many of us)
7. Leave your house/bedroom. I know it's scary. I know it makes you vulnerable. That's the point. You can't connect, really connect in a way that means anything, without being vulnerable. I know it's hard. It's also the most important work of being human. You have to be brave to change the world. You are brave.

Building community is step one before building any kind of a healthy social movement. A movement built on stressful meetings can be broken by a stressful meeting, or an infiltrator. A movement built on genuine affection, mutual respect, and reciprocal NEED, can't be. This also make the whole thing a hell of a lot more fun, and people want to keep doing things that are fun. They eventually stop doing things that aren't.

Now, if you're determined to build community with folks with whom you vehemently disagree/of whom you are afraid,

Step One: Recognize that this is NOT where social change comes from. These folks are the people least likely to join you in opposing what you do not want. You're not building community with these folks to organize and mobilize them. You're doing it for much more selfish reasons.

Step Two: Recognize why you are doing this. Because A) these folks are your family, and you don't really want to be alienated from your family, B) you share a country with them, whether you like them or not, C) it's harder to hate someone you know and/or understand, and hate feels shitty and will make you weak, not strong, D) you might actually learn something that will help you do a better job building your own movement for change, and finally, sadly, E) these are the ones who are most likely going to be responsible for turning you in and/or shooting you. It's much harder to do that to someone you know and like.

Step Three: Ask the person questions and listen deeply to their answers. Do not debate. Do not try to change their minds. Just listen. If you're still not getting beyond the surface, ask other questions. Racism and other phobias fill a need. If that need is filled with something else, like love, compassion, understanding, or meaning, or confidence, it's far more difficult to exploit.    

Be patient, be kind, stay strong, and remember what Sam said to Frodo: there's some good left in this world and it's worth fighting for.